It's coming up on that time of year. Oh, yes, let the fantasy drafts begin. I've already seen oodles of mock drafts by "experts". I looked at the magazine section in the grocery store yesterday and found close to 10 different "Fantasy Football" magazines. Now buyers beware, these are the same morons who decided Kevan Barlow was worth a first round pick a year ago, but they're usually worth a look. I was so sick of the "mock drafts" that were littering the computer and magazine world that I gathered up a couple good buddies to do an early fantasy draft. We bought some pizza, some of us made some lists, some of us used a magazine, printed out some draft logs, and spent three hours laughing and yelling, drinking and pissing, eating and arguing. It was fantastic. Our draft went a lot like yours will be, but the nitty-gritty looks like this; 10 Teams, 14 Rounds, Pick Trading was okay, there were no limits on positions picked, and picking numbers out of a hat decided draft order. The game day rosters must have; QB, RB, RB/WR, WR, WR, TE, K, D. We are allowed to have 6 bench spots on our roster. We didn't have a timer, but that might be a good move. The draft took about 3 hours (6:30 to 9:30). I tried to keep the whole process documented for this article. I'm going to talk about the draft round by round, and list the teams at the end. Always remember, during your fantasy drafts, even your best friends will bewilder you. Get caught up in the moment, laugh your ass off, and rip in to your future opponents at every turn. In other words, make it worth your while. We all threw down 10 bones on our teams, the winner gets the gold.

Owners and their Teams with original pick order:

1. Bryan Weimer - Bay City Bombers
2. Brian Stiles - Punks Ass Comedians
3. Bill Carpenter - Sea Chicken
4. Uncle John - Vidcom Varmits
5. Lucky Lester - Sounds Like Llama
6. Paul Armstrong - Screaming Orgasm Cleanup Crew
7. AJ Cofrin - The AJ Team
8. Big Puff - Big Puff's Goon Squad
9. Eric Hayden - Ugly Hollywood Hookers
10. Tyson Timmer - Krocidile

Right off the club you can see there are a couple of illiterates in this group, but don't underestimate them. If anything, football fans have proven over the years you need not be literate to know your X's and O's or better yet, your McNabb's and TO's. As is, a couple of these guys didn't like where they where, so they traded spots with each other. Wisconsin's own, AJ Cofrin didn't like where he sat at the 7 spot, so he traded for the 2 spot giving Brian Stiles his fourth round pick and getting Stiles 14th round pick in return. So now Stiles picks from the 7 spot and AJ always gets 2. AJ loses his 4th rounder and gets another 14th round selection. I couldn't believe this trade. And later after all was done, AJ yelled obscenities at Stiles, ending his rage with the astute truth that Stiles is a slippery bastard. Let the games begin. Soon after the first trade I got an offer I couldn't refuse. Timmer offered me his 1st round pick for my 3rd and 4th picks. To make the picks even (14 each) he also gave me his 10th pick. My goal was to come away with elite receivers, which I now thought I could do with 5 and 10. I was thinking TO and Moss would fall my way. Then I could pick a good back in round 2. That was all of the pre-draft trades. This is how the first round finally looked, picks and all:

1. Bay City Bombers - Bryan Weimer - Preseason League Rank - 1
Top to bottom, this is one of the best teams in our league. Bryan got away with picking a tight end in the third round by getting great value throughout the rest of the draft. Kevin Jones and Tomlinson might be as deadly a running back duo as anyone has. Hines Ward and Torry Holt, as a pair, are only second to my receivers, Moss and Harrison. Drew Brees is solid, there's no doubt in my mind he's more than a one-year wonder. Gates is the best tight end. Receiver is Bryan's strongest asset as he has 5 players who could start on any given week.

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2. Punk Ass Comedians - Brian Stiles - Preseason League Rank - 2
Even if Shaun Alexander holds out for training camp or a few games, or the worst happens and he never shows, Ahman Green and Lamont Jordan should be a good 1-2 punch at RB. Ronnie Brown could also become a good option. Chad Johnson is a fantasy stud. He'll have his best season by far. Andre Johnson has all the tools; it's up to David Carr to make him a fantasy star. Todd Heap should have an easier time getting open with other receiving tools surrounding him, and Carolina's defense will be solid as always. The only question mark comes at quarterback, where neither Hasselbeck nor Harrington proved to be a solid starting option throughout last season. Both could have great years.

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3. Sea Chicken - Bill Carpenter - Preseason League Rank - 3
It's a shame we only start one quarterback. But it's reality. Picking McNabb in round 2 almost certainly will backfire on good old Bill. If Warrick Dunn and Brian Westbrook have identical seasons to last year's numbers, they'll be a decent couple of starters. There is no backup RB on this team, sorry Mr. Smith. Shockey drops touchdowns, while both he and Burress will have to manage through Eli's learning curve. Bill will have his work cut out for him with Fantasy Free Agents. Joe Jurevicius? Antoine Smith? If the latter has more than 200 yards all season I'll do a naked Sea Chicken dance in the middle of Lambeau Field.

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4. Vidcom Varmits - Uncle John - Preseason League Rank - 4
Priest Holmes, a healthy Holmes, is the best player in fantasy football. If he's healthy start to finish, it wouldn't surprise me to see my old uncle steal the super bowl. As is, his teams pretty damn good. Willis McGahee is ranked very high by the professionals, and Fred Taylor's health has improved recently. The Jags front office claim he'll be in camp. Javon Walker is one of the best young receivers in the game, and if Clayton doesn't have some sophomore follies, he'll join Walker on that list. I think Darrel Jackson will end up starting more often than not. Quarterback is the only breaking point of this team, as Marc Bulger gets one more chance to throw the ball up for grabs in St. Louis. Look for David Carr to get plenty of chances on this team.

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5. Sounds Like Llama - Lucky Lester - Preseason League Rank - 5
Of course I want to rank myself higher, but with the trade going the way it did, and my uncertainty at the number two running back spot, 5 is as high as I can go. With room to improve no doubt. I have the best receiving corps in the league, both my top two and the group as a whole. I think Carson Palmer will be great, and Kurt Warner will, at the very least, have ample opportunity to use a plethora of touchdown producing weapons in Arizona. The Eagles are a top three defense, and both Bell and Bennett have the skill-set to produce good numbers. I've predicted Palmer to be a top 5-fantasy quarterback, so I'm happy to have him on my team. L.J. Smith is underrated, he'll produce. Eddie Kennison becomes the only number one receiving option the Chiefs possess. Hopefully, that's a good thing. Hopefully I never have to play him.

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6. Screaming Orgasm Cleanup Crew - Paul Armstrong - Preseason League Rank - 6
Culpepper is the second best fantasy quarterback. Davis is a fantasy stud when he's not injured, and Stephen Jackson just took Marshal Faulk's spot in Ramland, so obviously Mike Martz believes he can get the job done. Roy Williams is said to have the most talent of any receiver, save Randy Moss, in the entire league. Crumpler should have another top 5-fantasy year in the ATL. That being said, Culpepper is in his first season without the best wide receiver in the league. Davis has never stayed healthy start to finish, and Jackson is untested as a lead back. Roy Williams still has Joey Harrinton throwing him the ball, and he was a health issue in his rookie campaign as well. Coles struggled through injuries and the Snider curse in DC, but he should have a good comeback year with Pennington tossing him the rock. Ashley Lelie, Aaron Brooks, and Santana Moss are perennial underachievers, where Kevan Barlow is a one-time waste of a pick. New England's D could struggle when Ty Law finds his new team, and the loss of their leader, Teddy Bruschi, hurts. Unless Chad Brown can stay healthy? Lots of ifs, buts, and hopefullys drop this squad to 7.

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7. The AJ Team - AJ Cofrin - Preseason League Rank - 7
AJ Cofrin reached on many of his picks, but he has the luxury of having exactly who he wanted on his squad. There's something to be said about that. AJ made a ridiculous trade to move up to the 2 slot, even though he could have taken Jamal Lewis at his original spot (7). He made up for the loss of his 4th round pick by taking great players at 5 - 10. Anquan Boldin and Lee Evans are his starters at receiver, with Bennett in the fold as well. Jamal Lewis and Tiki Barbar should make a good group at RB, and Cedric Benson might pan out nicely. Mike Vick always has the chance to play like Mike Vick. Overall AJ's team turned out pretty nice.

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8. Big Puff's Goon Squad - Big Puff - Preseason League Rank - 8
Puff started out with a great first round pick, and then fell off the fantasy cliff. Jones is way overrated in my mind, and Favre hasn't gone in the first 5 rounds in some time. His top three running backs have 7 games started amongst them, all belonging to Julius Jones. Bettis is past his prime, obviously, but still gets plenty of touches at the goal line. Burleson is a good pick, but he's unproven. I imagine Jake Plummer will end the year with better fantasy numbers than either Favre or Delhomme. The Skins lost their best cover corner, and their best tackler. In fact with the exception of a few players, this entire team is unproven. And the only thing "The Mouth" has proven is that he doesn't deserve a starting fantasy spot.

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9. Ugly Hollywood Hookers - Eric Hayden - Preseason League Rank - 9
Deuce and Portis are two great picks to start a draft. Kerry Collins was a bigger reach than Brett Favre, but like Favre, he has the potential to put up big numbers. Joe Horn and Jimmy Smith will be happy to make it through the season healthy, and Eric should be as well. Chris Brown is a tough back to have, because he's spent more of his career injured than healthy, and the Titans just traded for Travis Henry, who always seems to get the job done. Buffalo's defense is a solid pick, but before the Eagles, Patriots, and Panthers? I don't know if they're that good. Dallas Clark is a great pick; his upside without Pollard in the lineup is immeasurable. Thomas Jones chances grow with every day Benson isn't in to camp. Faulk is a good flier with the 13th pick, and the Bucc D manages to be a pretty good start every single year since the Dungy Days. Still, with so much age at WR, and questions surrounding both back up running backs, the Hookers might by trying to sell themselves on the streets come the halfway mark.

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10. Krocidile - Tyson Timmer - Preseason League Rank - 10
Tyson had a great draft. I had to rank him ahead of me because of what he did with the picks he traded me. He still picked up James, who is as healthy as he's been in years, even without a first rounder. Curtis Martin was the leading rusher last year, and with improved offensive weapons surrounding him, why can't he do it again? Reggie Wayne was great a year ago. Nothing will change there. Brady will produce, and Gonzalez could easily grab 100 plus balls again this year. The Ravens, with their new 4-6, should produce a ton of turnovers. He didn't pick big time receivers, but he picked 5 solid ones who could have breakout years, especially Deion Branch. Down the list, he has great value picks, with youth, production, and potential.

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If you want to send Lucky Lester an email or you would like to add his articles to your web site, you can reach him at globalsportsnetwork@hotmail.com.

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